By Víctor Silva and Marcela Gómez
What worries you most about a first session may not be which question the therapist will ask, but how to explain what is happening without ending up defending your version. Or whether you will have to decide immediately what you want to do with the relationship.
In Ancestrina’s online couples process, the first session is individual with one partner and the second with the other. Six sessions with both partners follow. There are eight sessions of approximately one hour, accompanied by the same therapist. The beginning helps clarify what each person wants to work on; the process seeks clarity without assuming an obligation to preserve the relationship.
Who accompanies you and how the beginning is organized
The online process is accompanied by Víctor Silva or Marcela Gómez. You can choose your therapist; if you have no preference, one can be assigned according to availability. The person who begins with you accompanies you throughout the process: Víctor and Marcela do not alternate between sessions.
| Session | Who participates |
|---|---|
| 1 | One partner individually with the therapist. |
| 2 | The other partner individually with the same therapist. |
| 3–8 | Both partners with that therapist. |
The two individual interviews form part of the couples process. They allow the therapist to learn about each person’s experience before working together. This differs from one person beginning individual therapy while their partner does not wish to participate.
The current format is a process of eight sessions of approximately one hour each. That number describes the service’s organization; it does not guarantee reaching a decision or producing a particular change within that time.
“I want to fix my relationship” is a starting point
The first interview does not simply accept that phrase as though it already defined what needs to happen. “Fixing” may mean trusting again, no longer arguing in a particular way, understanding a distance, or getting the other person to want something they do not want today.
The initial work involves developing a more specific reason for consulting with you. You explore the context, what is happening, how you understand it, and what the issue you want to work on means in concrete terms. You also explore what needs clarification before assuming both people are asking for the same thing.
“We always end up fighting” opens several questions: What happens when you try to talk? Which issue remains unresolved? What have you tried? What would you like to be different? These are examples of how a broad expression can become closer to a recognizable situation. They are not a fixed questionnaire you need to prepare.
The other person also develops what they want to work on and how they describe the problem. Both may speak of “distance,” but one means a lack of contact while the other means that every important conversation ends in reproaches. Understanding that difference avoids organizing the process around an agreement that only appears to exist.
You do not need to arrive with a prepared defense
It may help to organize what brings you now, what you have tried together, and what you hope for from the space. “After what happened, I do not know whether I want to continue” or “we organize our lives well, but I feel distant” lets you begin close to the problem without having the whole story resolved.
Your partner may describe it differently. You do not need to manufacture a single shared account before beginning. Differences between accounts are part of what needs to be understood, although they do not by themselves establish that someone is lying or that both people are equally responsible for what happened.
If there was a lie or a broken agreement, observing the interaction does not erase who carried out that behavior. Ancestrina distinguishes participation from culpability: examining how each person participates does not mean dividing all responsibility equally.
The goal is clarity, even if you do not yet know whether you want to stay
The process seeks to help you see what is separating you, how each person participates, which differences exist, and what possibilities you have. “Saving the relationship” may be someone’s wish when they arrive; it is not the result the therapist assumes they must produce.
You can say, “I want to understand what is happening, but I cannot promise that I want to continue.” Ancestrina works with couples where one person has doubts, both have doubts, or their goals differ. It also works with couples who have already decided to separate.
That clarity may lead to reconnecting, continuing differently, separating, or confirming a decision. Víctor or Marcela does not choose which outcome is right for you. Nor can a first session guarantee that you will already know what to do.
Confidentiality and conditions for participation
Before sharing sensitive information, confidentiality conditions and the handling of information disclosed individually need to be clarified within the therapeutic agreement. This includes how separate communications will be handled in a process that later brings both people together.
Both people need to want to participate. Attending only to please your partner, without willingness to examine something of your own, is not the kind of participation Ancestrina seeks. That willingness can exist even when you have doubts about continuing the relationship.
If there is violence, threats, coercion, or fear of speaking freely, safety requires specific assessment. Some situations may need another format or specialist care. The general clinical guidance is to seek safe support without treating risk as a simple communication difficulty.
It also helps to clarify schedules, fees, payment terms, and cancellation conditions before confirming the process. Knowing the practical conditions is part of deciding whether you can and want to participate.
After the individual interviews
From the third session onward, you work together with the same therapist. The starting point is the reasons each person needs to clarify, the differences that emerge, and what can be addressed jointly.
A shared format does not turn attendance into a promise to rebuild. Taking the process seriously means participating in what is being examined without using the therapist to obtain a predetermined response from the other person.
What if you are looking for in-person support?
Ancestrina’s in-person modality is an immersive process running from one day into the next. Víctor and Marcela participate together in the couples intensive. This is a different format from the online process described here; Ancestrina does not currently offer an ordinary series of in-person sessions equivalent to the online process.
If you want to consider the online process, you can explain from your first contact what brings you, who wants to participate, and whether you have a preference for either therapist. You do not need to promise an outcome to begin clarifying the help you seek. You can consult the couples therapy service and its current conditions.
Sources and scope of the information
- Víctor Silva / Ancestrina (2026). Confirmed institutional information about the couples process. Direct communication for this editorial review, September 17, 2026. Institutional source, rather than scientific research. Supports the online organization of eight sessions, two individual interviews and six joint sessions, the same therapist, the formats, and the goal of clarity. Describes current practice; it is not evidence of outcomes.
- NHS (2026). Domestic violence and abuse. Reviewed June 23, 2026. Official source. General, inclusive clinical information: threats, control, isolation, surveillance, and seeking safe support. Supports the safety guidance, rather than an institutional protocol for joint therapy.
